Full On experience

   
    "I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." -Michael Jordan

            So while I was away this month we stopped in Wales. It was way more beautiful than a lot of us thought it would be. While we were there I had one of the coolest days of my life. We got involved with a really awesome program called Full On which can basically be summed up as confidence camp. It’s absolutely crazy how good these people are at their job. The guy in the picture up there is Callum. He has a pretty big part to play in the story I’m about to tell. The day started off  with small things like karate chopping a piece of wood (which I really did not want to attempt) in order to build up to the biggest thing, repelling down a castle tower ( which I really REALLY did not want to attempt). As you may or may not know, I tend to freak out when there’s a possibility that I won’t do something correctly and then I somehow come to the conclusion that I’m going to die. (I’m sure it sounds ridiculous but that’s anxiety for you). This is where Callum comes into the picture. I made it known to him that I did NOT plan on karate chopping my board. I figured that they would tell me that I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to, but of course that’s not what happened. Instead we had to talk about why I didn’t want to and what I was feeling. This was awkward for me because no one really asks me why I’m feeling a certain way or why I don’t want to do something. Even though I wasn’t up for it I told him anyway about how I would probably get hurt and somehow I’d be the first person to break my hand from doing this (just a tad bit over dramatic). He asked me if maybe I could just go up there and see what it felt like to be in the moment. I didn’t even have to touch the board if I didn’t want to. He also threw out the tiny fact that it would make his day if I just tried. 5 minutes later I broke the board in one try. I know this isn’t some huge accomplishment and in no way will it end hunger, stop war, or change the world, but this small feat began to change me; and I plan on changing the world.

             The next couple of hours were filled with some really cool lessons, games, and talks. Soon enough it was time to take the bus to the castle. Once again I tried to explain to Callum that it would be much better for everyone if I just stayed on the ground. He wouldn’t accept that as an answer. One or two panic attacks later I was in a harness standing on the edge of a castle wall with my life hanging between two ropes, one in my hand and the other in Mike’s hand ( Mike is really quite awesome by the way). It ended up being one of the greatest experiences ever and if it had been left up to me with no opposition from my Full On friends I would have missed out on it. When we were all done he told me how proud he was of me, but it was not for repelling down the castle but just for giving the day of a chance. I’ve realized that life’s events revolve around first steps. If I had done like I planned and not even climbed to the top of the stairs, I would have not even had the opportunity. Something that I thought was cool was how they were proudest of us not when we got to the bottom and everything was over and we had safely scaled down, but the part when we have to make the first move. In repelling you’re at the top all strapped in standing backwards on the edge of a really long drop. You’re depending on these ropes and a “team-mate” (100% trained professional) and then when you’re ready you lean back over the drop. I saw first hand that this is the part that stops most people. The same thing happens in life. We’re afraid of leaning back and not being in control. Sometimes you have to let go and put your faith in something or someone else. Even if we were scared it didn’t matter. Our team-mate had our safety rope. It wouldn’t matter if we had messed up completely because there was always that person at the end of the other rope watching and waiting, holding you up.

            At the end of the day I was left with a question that Callum had written on the board that I chopped in half, “ When you have that thought that almost stopped you, what are you gonna do?” We miss out on so much that life has to offer because of fears and anxiety. We could save so much time if, instead of spending all day deciding, we just jumped into life with two feet. Sadly mistakes are inevitable; sometimes you just have to take the risk. I know that my anxiety isn’t even close to being gone but I do know that I’m on the right track. So even though I’m sure they’ll never see it, I owe a huge thanks to Callum and the entire Full On team.

P.S. – shout out to Mike who says that I’m a legend (we already knew that one, Pal)

To Callum – thanks for helping me realize that even though I thought my anxiety was keeping me safe it was really keeping me from reaching my full potential

And to my parents – This may or may not have been a ploy to get you to send me to Full On challenge in New Zealand next summer. I’ll raise the money myself. Thanks for giving me this amazing opportunity, I love y’all.